childlike-

Change.

2007-03-07T00:57:00.000+08:00

I'm moving.

You can try asking me for the new blog's address, but I'm entitled to reject or accept your request.

You can try your luck. I might just give it to you.

=/

2007-03-06T13:09:00.000+08:00

How come, God, I suddenly don't want it anymore?

How I wish I could turn back time and do things right.

=/

It doesn't really matter anymore now, does it? It's all been done. The path's been laid out.

And now, Lord, take this step with me.

Carry me.

27 March 2007

2007-02-28T01:50:00.000+08:00

TEEHEE.

MY LASALLE AUDITION WILL BE HELD ON THE 27TH MARCH 2007!

:D

Lasalle-SIA

2007-02-14T18:59:00.000+08:00

Went Lasalle-SIA today to apply for "Popular Music" course.

Let me tell you this- I MIGHT NOT EVEN GET TO BE AUDITIONED. Rahh.

Apparently, I HAVE to achieve Grade 5 Theory and Grade 6 Practical in order to be auditioned. And apparently, I stopped at Grade 4 Theory and Grade 5 Practical in Primary 6, which was like, 5 years ago? -.-

And according to papers, I've got to perform one written piece and one ORIGINAL COMPOSITION for audition.

Miao.

God, help me. If not- bye, Lasalle-SIA.

T^T

O.O

2007-02-11T16:44:00.000+08:00

I received my results on Friday, and surprisingly passed pretty well with my L1R5 of 21 and L1B4 of 16 for my 'O's.

And I'll be going to NAFA and Lasalle-SIA to register to enter into one of the schools. =/

Yesterday's service went a little cocked-up for the first service drama. But in the second service, we had the best run of drama then. (: Praise God for the converts! :D

And yes! That stupid hair wax is hard to wash away. And not to forget- the ultra thick makeup.

I became "Avril-Lavigne-who-hates-the-world" girl yesterday(according to Qianjin). What can I say? With all that punk girl hairstyle and makeup(smokey eyes a.k.a panda eyes), of course I'm punk! :D

I feel sleepy.

LASALLE

2007-02-09T02:25:00.000+08:00

Miao. I want to get into Lasalle's "Popular Music" course. But I really don't know what to do for audition.

After much advice from Cong...

I think I'll think about everything after tomorrow. Rofl.

Gosh. It's today!

I'm dead.

Hah!

2007-02-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

Look, look! :D .

I think I'm funny! :D

New Phone.

2007-02-04T01:48:00.000+08:00

I want to get a new phone! I'm picking among these three models:

1. LG SV590

2. Sony Ericsson W800i

3. Sony Ericsson W900i

And among all these phones, my favourite is Sony Ericsson W900i! :D It's in such a pretty white colour and it's got the best functions among the three phones! Sony Ericsson W900i is my current crave-phone! :D

God, I want to marry a rich guy that can buy me this phone(and other stuffs I want to buy).

"Perspectives" by Kutless

2007-02-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

"Perspectives"
Kutless

It feels like your life's crashing
Down all around you
Let me ask if it's really so bad
Look at the world in it's suffering can you honestly tell me
That no one else could understand
All of the hurting inside?

Why can't you see that freedom
Is sometimes just simply another perspective away?
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment?
Would you still be the same?

A young child looks through a great stained-glass window
Watching the people go by
Everyone seems to be wearing a red coat
His mother sees jackets in white
Now he can't understand why does she see it this way

Why can't you see that freedom
Is sometimes just simply another perspective away?
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment?
Would you still be the same?

Yesterday, you really couldn't see
By changing your angle a new world would be
Revealed to your once-blinded eyes by moving a few degrees

Why can't you see that freedom
Is sometimes just simply another perspective away?
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment?
Would you still be the same?

Why can't you see that freedom
Is sometimes just simply another perspective away?
Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment?
Would you still be the same?

Sometimes, it's really just another perspective away.

HAPPY LAST DAY OF JANUARY! :D

:D

2007-01-31T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today, went down to Serangoon around 3 pm just to find out that everyone forgot to inform me that the S.O.W event was cancelled. =.= Thank God Yanyu was darn free, and I went to her house(hoping to get some sleep, which eventually I couldn't fall asleep, and started watching 'My Date With Vampire 2') to slack. Then when it was around 6.30 p.m. or so, I set off.

I was finally convinced that it was dumb to do what I was doing(since I already knew I'd be wasting my time) and thus spent time with Yanyu at Mac's. I really enjoyed the talk with Yanyu(inserts laughter). She really lightened my day and taught me loads. Thanks sister, I love you! <3

Then it was around 9 p.m. I bought Cheese Hotdog(s) and set off to Rach's. Spent my time at her place watching some Local TV Series('The Highest Peak' or something) while complaining how lousy the new actors were. Man, I really can't watch a series where there's bad acting. Chatted a bit about random stuffs and met Yanyu at the coffee shop near her place and we ate(I ate a little).

Then I went home while Rach went to Yanyu's to watch 'My Date With Vampire 2'. Tuned in to Power 98 and I heard Rozz! I love her voice. Sexy~ ROFL.

I'm quite puzzled about certain things that's happening around me now. But now, I've learnt it- "perspective".

While Yanyu was talking to me, I was suddenly reminded of the song that Winstar's band sung during the Band Competition. Kutless' "Perspectives". How true it is, that most things are just another pespective away.

God, help me look at things in Your perspective. It might be hard to accept, but Lord, give me the Wisdom to understand and think the way You think. For Your ways are higher than mine, and thus Your thoughts higher than mine.

Lord, I want that child-like desire for You. That desire to be Kingdom-minded, Word-centered, to be simply a child of Yours. I want, Lord, I want.

I pray.

Amen.

I'm still here.

The Dance Floor

2007-01-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was great! I've experienced how God been through there with me in singing for the two services. :) How He led me to remember the parts and sing in the Spirit. Praise God for the converts we saw yesterday! :D

Today, I watched the auditions for "The Dance Floor". I really like this dance duet, "R.E." They appeared in masks and hoods and really, they turned me off at first. The first impression I had of them was, "wannabes". But woah, when they danced, I was captivated. I love their dancing style, the dance they cheorographed. It was very abstract. Yeah, I guess that's the word I'd use. They've got this puppet style in them, and I really liked it. I was so happy when they made it to the next round. I guess I'm looking forward to their next dance...

I miss you.

>.<

2007-01-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the first ESS of the year! >.<

And we've got four visitors! :D Praise God! :D Lord, pour in more people. :D

Had practice today- I'm going to do parts tomorrow! xD How exciting. :D But i can't seem to catch some parts... =/ God, help me eh? Sing with me. Do it with me. Anoint us. For it is You. :)

Went for audition just now. I think it went okay. Hah. I could recall the tangible presence of God around me during the audition. :D I really like being so close to God. It's like, every worry, every fear and every discomforts goes away in the presence of the Lord. There's just this sense of joy and security within me. It's like, I know God's with me, and everything's all right. :)

Gosh. I'm really exciting about tomorrow's ESS! >.<

CONVERTS!!! xD

Still don't get it.

Job 5:9

2007-01-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

Job 8:9
"He performs wonders that cannot be fahtomed, miracles that cannot be counted."

:D

My God is great. Powerful. Almighty. I will put my trust in You, just as how You put Your trust in me and Job.

Thank You Lord.

My heart is filled with Thanksgivinings to the One above. :)

I got a feeling.

2007-01-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

This morning, I read about Esther. I really admire her spirit. How much she really loves her people to the extend of risking her own life. How true it is, that when we love God and our people with all our heart, God will surely Bless us. Look at the way how she's been Blessed. Because of her wholeheartedness, God Blessed her and those under her.

Powerful woman of God.

Today, I met the girls up at RC void deck. Gave them a short teaching about S.O.W, and checked out with their S.O.W status. After meeting the coreteam, I walked around with Ruijun for about an hour(spent time with her! :D), and then i walked home from RC. Yeah, you got me right. From serangoon all the way to Eunos. On foot. :D

It was an enjoyable journey. I've been speaking to God throughout the three-hour journey. It's been so long since I've talked to Him this much, and I'll say it's real cool. I spoke to Him about everything I ever wanted to tell anyone, and I felt myself much closer to Him. This time around, it was me speaking to Him a lot, but well, I heard His replies too. But most of the time, I was talking. I needed to talk to someone about just everything in the world. And now, I chose to talk to my Best Friend, Jesus.

It's just great talking to Him and spending time with Him. I felt so much closer to Him. I know He's there.

God gave me a vision, and we made promises to each other. (: That's so awesome, eh?

God, I'll go where You lead me. Just mould me and guide me. Help me through it all.

I love You. (:

I got a feeling. A feeling that's something major's gonna happen. I got a feeling I'm going to receive quite a big news. And it ain't exactly very pleasing nor unpleasant. =/ God, bring me through, eh?

Hey. The way you talk to me now is so different from the past. You've been treating me oddly. Why? I sense you've got judgement on me, and because of this, you're making me drift away from you. I want to talk to you, I want to share with you- but you ain't responding the way I wanted/hoped. You've been treating me oddly. You're not the person I used to know. And I'm sad about it. You no longer love me the way you did. I know you've got judgement on me, I sense it. The way you talk to me... Like you're discriminating, as if I did something real wrong. But sometimes, you gotta think, you're quite inconsistent in your decision. I can't go to you to talk about it, so I'll just blog, hopefully you know who you are. But in any case, I still love you.

.

2007-01-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

And You answered.

"Trust in the Lord. Lean not on your own understanding."

If it's Your will, then let it me. I trust in You. Let it be what You want it to be then.

I'll trust in You.

Help her trust in You.

You got me thinking.

2007-01-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

You got me thinking, God.

What's exactly is Your plan?

Are those Your plans too?

Then speak to me, God. Because I really don't understand.

You got me thinking, God.

I can't exactly say it's good.

God's songs.

2007-01-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

I realised everyime as we worship Him, lifting our voices to Him, He's singing to us too.

Songs of encouragement, songs of acceptance, songs of love.

I want to be the vessel where He sings to His children.

Passion of Christ

2007-01-07T01:15:00.000+08:00

I re-watched "Passion of Christ". I couldn't help but to cry while watching it.

As the persecutors persecute Him, He kept praying to God, crying, "Father! Forgive them! For they do not know what they are doing!" His compassion for the lost was so great, I could feel His great love for us, and can't help but to cry at the thought of my Saviour being tortured.

His love for us is so great that He went through all of this that He do not deserve, for the Good of His children. He could have chose to stop half-way, but He bear the punishments that we ought to receive so that we may be saved without paying the price. He paid for our redemption, and all we got to do, is to believe- and we would be save.

How many lost souls are still around? How many are still ignorant of His love? I can't help but to feel the urgency to let His love be known. It'd be such a waste if people don't get to acknowledge Him and receive Salvation after all that He has done.

He truly love us, that He went through it all and die for us; the Holy and Almight One. I'm awed. I'm speechless. This priceless Gift that You flourished upon us, we'll hold it tight with us- and we'll pass this Gift that You've given to those that had not received.

Thank You Lord. There are just so many thanks.

All I could do now, is to surrender my entire into Your hands. Use me Lord, for I am just You servant. Unworthy and unrighteous, yet cleaned by You and acknowledged as a child by You. What more could I do for you?

Father, let Your will be done.

Brothers and Sisters- don't let His death go to waste.

xp

2007-01-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today's another great day. I really think the sermon refreshed me a lot, and I almost cried during DCTM as Gideon shared his heart out. I really sense his strong spirit despite his illness(stomach flu). Indeed, I was disheartened as well, and I had been pretty upset over it for sometime. I guess some people already realised I was quite low.

I was quite affected by the growth of the group. I sometimes wonder was it me that's causing the group to be so stagnent. People came and go, and I was really discouraged by it. I really saw how that stupid Devil had shamed me.

But behold, Satan! I'm not going to lose this battle!

We'll wreck you way down! :D

For my God is with me!

NEH-NEE-NEH-NEE-POO-POO! xD

What?

2007-01-03T19:55:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL REOPENS! :D

Exciting new terms for all schoolers! As for people such as I-

LET'S CONTINUE ROTTING TO DEATH!! xD

How unspiritual. Rofl. Did a bit of planning today. I'm gonna go look for another job(real soon) and then start reading on new Christian literatures. Gonna upgrade myself in various skills. Going for vocal classes, and possibly, piano lessons as well(yes, I'm thinking of resuming my piano lessons after like, 4-5 years?). Yes, I'm going full power-

Soon.

Just a little while more. After this week, it's full power.

As for this week, let me take a break a little while longer.

I'll plug into God's world.

Just what do you want me to do?
I'm sick and tired of it all.
I've had enough.

2007

2007-01-03T00:55:00.000+08:00

It's 2007.

I'm hoping for it.

Let it be a happy new year.

I'm unsure of everything that might be coming on my way but God, please, bring me through. Lead me, guide me, help me.

so little time.

2006-12-25T21:40:00.000+08:00

It's been great lately! :D

We see new people joining us(Joey and Michelle) and it's really exciting. :D Krisstle came too! Whoo~ Praise God! :D

I saw the converts we had on Saturday, and it really touched me. Look at the number of lives being saved again- God, are you dancing para-para or hip-hop? Or maybe- BREAK DANCE? Well, I think He did all three. Look at how happy He must have been, dancing away, seeing His people crossing the line.

I'm thankful for everything that happened in 2006. I'm thankful of all the people He had sent to bless me. I'm thankful God puts me at where I am. I'm thankful for His death 2006 years ago. Plus a few months, that is.

I'm thankful Christmas is not just exchanging gifts nor Santa Clause- but Jesus Christ's birth. It means spending time with the one you love. Praying for them. Wishing them all,

A Merry Christmas. (:

So little time left. What do we do?
God. I commit our lives into Your hands.
Do whatever is best for us.
9 days left.

YAY!

2006-12-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

17 converts from NEB! :D

PRAISE GOD!

I don't know what to say about you.
I really don't.
I'm not sure if I know you anymore.
How I wish things were as before.

Is it?

2006-12-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

Is it me?

It's so good to see how miracles happen when we give our 100% to God. I've seen how all the actors for the drama yesterday gave their 100% to God. There are things we were reluctant to do, but when we know it's for God, we gave our 100% to Him and let Him do the rest.

Look! The number of converts we have! Hallelujah, praise God!

NEB1 have one convert too! :D Peicai secondary. Really want to take this chance to thank God for Ruijun, for giving her best to God and entrusting her everything to Him. God will reward those who give their 100%. Ruijun- your efforts will not be in vain! :D

Darilyn came yesterday! Though she didn't receive salvation, I'm quite sure God did something in her heart. One day, I pray, I'll see her in Heaven.

What really surprised me was _________. She came. I was so touched I almost cried. She's the one person I've been praying for for so long. I've long to see her come back to God. I'm not sure if she re-committed to God, but I sure hope so. I really love her and really thank God for her life. I really hope I can see her with us.

Some stuff happened, and really got me thinking a lot. Lord, I know my life is not exactly pleasing to You. I'm trying hard to change for you. Sometimes, my desires are what I know I should not have, but they are so tempting I can't help it. I chose to place you below certain relationships, and I know it's not right. Although they are plainly friendships and kinships, but I know I ought to put you above them all. But sometimes, it's just so hard. I'm afraid to lose anyone. So what do I do? God, teach me how to put my trust in You that when I give my 100% to You, You'll bless my relationships.

Oh God. Teach me to be diligent. Teach me self-control. God, I repent. Help.

Jesus. For You alone are worthy.

'Billy' from 'The Hot Chick'

2006-12-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

I totally adore 'Billy' from 'The Hot Chick', which features Rachel McAdams! :D Billy is so, so sweet. Gosh. Let me quote this scene from 'The Hot Chick' where Billy and his friend, Jake, was in the changing room. Jake was commenting that Jessica was a cold fish.

Billy: Hey, Jessica's anything but a cold fish, all right? She's the most, amazing girl, in the whole world.

Jake: Dude, you haven't even went out of California!

Billy: I don't care. I love her. (My second favourite part!) I know she thinks I only want to have sex with her, but that's not what it's about. I mean, when that moment comes, I want it to be perfect.

Jake: Woah. That's the gayiest thing I've ever heard.

Billy: (Here comes my favourite part!) She's the only girl that makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her, I'm not with it. I'm only existing when I hold her in my arms.

Jake: Gay, gay, gay, GAY.

Gosh. Jake is so irritating. Billy's such a sweet guy. Come on, where else do you find a guy who's willing to wait for you like that? Dreamland. =/ ROFL.

So much for dreaming.

Aww. Nice Billy.

Okay. Back to the real world. -.-'

I HAVE VISITORS TOMORROW! :D

Okay, sorry, I have to add on. There's this really sweet scene at the end I had to describe and add.

Jessica puts Billy's hand over her chest(heart) and says, "Can you feel it? You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time."

Aww.

But overall the movie's silly. Rofl.

:D

2006-12-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

Slept from yesterday around 6pm to this mornnig 11am. Received a SMS from Shuzhen around 1 pm and rushed down to Nexus. Helped Yiyou a little with some stuff and went off to buy some Christmass gifts around 7 pm. Reached home around 9.10 pm.

Camp was great! I really don't know how to explain how great camp was. Hah. I totally adore David! Gosh. He's so hilarious and exciting!

People, from the way David shared his testimonies- I truly believe that if we give our 100%; IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO BREAK 1000 BY END OF 2006. :D

I'm sure that the camp had been a great blessing to me. It's really a time of refreshing where I get to truly experience God's presence again. :D It's so awesome. I feel really charged up again and my faith levelled up. :D

Day 1- Y-HOPE OLYMPICS. Rofl. Soccer female lost! Rofl. Very un-proudly. I shan't announce the score and save ourselves from shame. xD Anyway- for cheerleading, I think we did great! But some stuffs happened. Pamela lost her shoebag and had no skirt! So I had to lend her mine(as it's longer and can cover Pam's shorts, 'cause they were pretty long) and I wore Dawn T's skirt. GOSH. It was SO short and SO loose. I bet I zao geng. -.- Rahh. And I forget a few steps! Oh gosh... But I think we did well lah. =/ And sermon was great! First teaching was by David. He's hilarious, and filled with great testimonies! :D And the YWAM people came out for short little skits. They were hilarious. But the one that amused me most was LEE JUN. GOSH. After knowing him for so long, it's my FIRST time in my whole entire life I've ever seen him with such a SPASTIC LOOK. IT'S SO NOT JUN LAH! Gosh. It's so hilarious I burst out laughing. Should have video'ed it down and show it to him. Unglam lah, Jun.

Day 2- It was Mismatch Pinic! Gosh, everyone looked so cute. I was wearing tights(literally tights) and guy's grey shirt. A tie as a belt, long socks(belongs to my dad) and uh, black slip-ons with white polka dots. Oh! And scarf as a bandana! Ruijun wore white SUPERMAN top, a jeans skirt and a pair of... pants. -.- Rofl. We tied her hair and gave her green hair extension! So cool! Jessica looked like a pirate's wife. -.-' Tiffany looks normal. Guy shirt and jeans skirt. Lijia wore her mum's long checkered blouse and jeans skirt. With a really pretty belt. Jolina wore pink-white top, black pants, white socks and black slip-ons. She wore this thing over her head that made her looked like a fighter. Dawn T was so cute! Looked like those school girls. Rofl. SIMON WAS SO CUTE LAH. Hahaha! Luan said that his dressing actually suited him. Rofl. Qianjin was very cute too, and he kinda looked matched with Luan('cause they were both wearing green polka dots. SA guys looked too normal for Mismatch. I condemn them. Aaron wore like, Spongebob boxers? ROFL. Lee Jun looked like some... Traveller on a ship. -.-' From ancient western time. I really think Simon should win like, the Mismatch King award lah. Gosh. At the thought of his dressing, I can't help laughing. And teachings were once again, great. I can't help "Amen"ing all the time and I was so awed by David's testimonies about God. I was so speechless about God's faithfulness and power. And then it was concert- everyone was so tired, but ever-excited to meet God throught PnW! And then it was altar call- I admit and repented I really wasn't really listening to Shirley. I came to a point where I just bowed down and prayed to God in my own world. But really- the praise and worship was magnificent. And gosh... All the praise like faster than usual lah! -.-' And, rofl, I think Ethan sabo'ed everyone on stage for the last 2 songs of encore. Rofl. The worship leaders haven't finish discussing and the bass just came in. Rofl. Sabotage.

Day 3- Concert ended at 2 a.m. I went back to dorm to bathe and then I went to hall to buy HONEY STARS. BUT- NO MORE! ALL GONE! )': I drank Green Tea. :D And I played volleyball all the way till 7.10 am. And returned back to dorm around 7.30 and slept 'till 8. Amazing Yushan. Then, went back to the hall and had mass dance! It's quite fun I guess. And then breakfast and Praise rehearsal. And I tell you- God is amazing. I'm very sure Sharlene's voice was literally gone by then, but when praise started, SHE COULD HIT THE NOTES! Hallelujah! This is a miracle! :D And there were a lot of mistakes with the music but praise went well! :D And Freedy led well! It must be God. And ya know something?

NORTHEAST WON THE OLYMPICS! :D YEAH YEAH! Two trophies for NE! :D

Breakthrough 1000- WE CAN MAKE IT! :D

Bite.

2006-11-30T16:46:00.000+08:00

Hmm.

I'm a little concern with myself.

...

I have a sudden urge to bite people.

Especially Dawn Tay.

Hmm...

?! Could it be...?! In the very depths of me, a blood-sucking vampire is emerging?!?! O.O

No lah. I'm just hungry. xD I can smell my mummy cooking spaghetti~. But fast is not over yet! Gosh. GOD! BRING ME THROUGH! IT'S JUST ANOTHER ONE HOUR OR SO! >.<

Buddy-who-quarrelled-with-me-somehow is coming back. :D I'm kinda happy. But on another thought, don't think she's gonna speak to me. =/ Aww.

And another buddy is leavin'! For holiday lah. =/ Gonna be bored. Actually, think I'll be okay. My sheep will keep me company. DOUBLE SHEPHERDING FOR ALL OF YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gosh. I'm insane. I'M HUNGRILY INSANE!

Oh! Thank God anyway! My Windows Media Player is finally working and I can continue watchin Prison Break at last! :D Yeah~ Left a few more episodes. :D Oh. And I just finished watchin "The Notebook". Kinda nice I guess. =/ Rachel McAdams! Yeah. The plot's interesting lah. But a bit sexual. Not used to it. But okay lah, I was quite touched when Allie got back her memory, and when they died together on the hospital bed. (':

And so what lah. -.- stupid stomach flu. Can't get out. My excitement is building within me! Beware, people, those who're gonna see me tomorrow-

I'LL EXPLODE! >:D

I'll miss you buddy! :D

Heh.

2006-11-29T13:50:00.000+08:00

Thank God for my dear ruijun, lena and lijia, who constantly send me smses and e-cards! :D

I'M VERY TOUCHED BY YOUR CARE AND CONCERNS! :D

God must have heard your prayers, because-

I'M HEALED!

Within a day, I'm healed. Who else other than God can it be? ROFL.

...

2006-11-29T01:37:00.000+08:00

I'm indeed an emotional being.

One moment, I'm so sad and cried, the next-

I'm angry.

-_- WHAT DID I DO?!

Terrible.

2006-11-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'm down with stomach flu. I hadn't eaten anything, and I kept puking. Diarrhoea never stop. It's so terrible. I hate this. I feel so pathetic.

But it doesn't felt as terrible as when they both stopped talking to me.

Why? What did I do again?

It sucks to have your two best friends stop talking to you. I don't even know what I did. And they both hate me now.

It's just so terrible.

So terrible.

I want to cry.

God. I'm glad You're not a human. You won't leave me, eh?

Please don't. I don't know what I'll ever do if You're gone.

Sick.

2006-11-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

AH-CHOO~!

miao.

im down with a little fever. sorethroat. coughs. flu and running nose. miao.

but good day. heh. spent a great time with God. hardly have time like this to spend. ah~ great rest. hee. i think i exhausted myself for chiong'ing without pausing to breathe for the past few. weeks. actually, months.

hehe.

read up on 2 chronicles 32. i'm gonna use this passage as a sharing for caregroup this week.

my God is my God. i will boast of Him. i'm not ashame of Him. :D

Hmm.

2006-11-26T12:30:00.000+08:00

Didn't go to work today. Got sick. Flu and sorethroat. ): I hate sorethroats.

Was browsing through the net, and found out a little something of a very dear person to me.

I felt so sad now.

She's changed so much. She was once such a lovely person with such a great heart for God and His people. No longer was she the girl I knew. She's changed so much, it struck me hard when I realised how bad the situation she was in.

She seem to enjoy her life now. Drinking. Loitering. All those stuffs she found was meaningless, she did them all, and had been doing them a lot.

Was it me who brought her to where she is now? Was it me? Did I not shower enough care and concern while I was still her careleader? Had I given her too much stress when the only coreteam members were she and me? Was it all me?

God, is it because of me?

No. It is not. It's not me.

So why is this? I really pray. My heart is so burdened for the lost ones. Those who never knew Him, those who knew Him, and those who are in dilema about His truths. I feel that twist in my heart. That tight squeeze.

I miss her. I wish I could help her. Help them. Oh God, I miss them.

You brought me to God, and God changed me. Won't you come back? You were such a shy person, who looked down on herself, thinking she's unable to do anything for God at all. The truth is you were so dear to me and so many peopl, come back already. You had always had a soft spot for God, but because of circumstance, you left. Come back. You lied to me. Used me. Cheated on me. It may not be the entire truth, but that's how I felt. But I still love you, and I still miss you. I really hope you would come to the Lord and be changed. I really want to see you change. It's still the same- I'm still waiting. And you. You're a liar. That's what your friends address you as. And I know very well that you have the tendency to lie- but I believed your heart for God was true. Don't be influenced by them, please. Come back, please. And you- the one whom I trust, the one whom I went through thick and thin together- we struggled together so much when we were the only coreteams in the group. You left and changed. Why? Is your life now really that meaningful? Are you really happy? God loves you. Me too.

I miss you people. I love ya all. I'll be waiting. I will, as God does.

Jesus, my heart cries out not just for those who left- but for those who didn't know you as well.

NEB1 Caregroup on 21 Nov '06!

2006-11-25T23:03:00.000+08:00

we had caregroup on tuesday! it was a really enjoyable one within just the neb1s.

we had lots of fun. ruijun had the honour to lead games and the honour to do all the forfeits. she really very xiasuay lah. games that people lead, she lose; games that she lead she also lose. wah. really ms xiasuay.

lena was as usual, very paiseh. jolina and her bleahs and lijia with her hahaha. they really live up to their names.

we gave each other "toilet names" as well. rofl. it's kinda hilarious and pretty much crude. but im sure we had lots of fun.

i found the worship atmosphere was pretty good too. :D for the first time after so long. and im sure these girls learnt something out of the sermon discussion. i used nichole nordeman's "why" for holy communium song, and im quite very sure some of them were very touch. :D

yipee. yushan's a blessed girl.

:D

caregroup photos!

haha. yep. we went to macs to have a bite!

and then it was caregroup...

haha. we did lots of act-cute stuffs. and hand painting! :D fun! at first everyone was like, "eww. we gotta get ourselves dirty?" but after that, everyone was excited about it and im very sure everyone had fun. (i can't believe we took the star-crap. xD) anyway.. as shown.. Jesus is the center of our caregroup! :D

anyway... we asked joseph tan from ned2 to help us take a caregroup photo. which in the end, he realised he didn't take the photo, but video'ed it down instead. everyone agreed we looked better in the video. xD and here's the stupid 2 seconds short video. haha.

NEB1! let's really jiayou for the Kingdom of God! :D

thank You Lord. (:

work

2006-11-23T01:34:00.001+08:00

will be working tomorrow, friday and sunday. hah. going to earn money to help out with home income. :D

yay!

i don't know.

I love.

2006-11-19T02:44:00.000+08:00

I love chocolate, candies and ice cream! Recently, I found another three more things I like.

I love Meiji Apollo Strawberry Chocolate.

I love Mentos Fruits.

I love Mag-a-cone.

I love tomatoes. Fresh ones.

I love sugary and round dougnuts.

I love Takopachi- ham and cheese. :D

Oh. One more thing-

I love God.

I'm bored.

2006-11-14T02:24:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. Real bored.

1. how old do you wish you were?
uh. 15. i like to be young. but not too young.

2.where you when 9/11 happened?
planet earth.

3. what do you do when vending machines steal your money?
kick it. try and break it. then walk away.

4. do you consider yourself kind?
i'm kind. but i always pretend to be real mean. but i think i'm actually kind. i think. =/

5. if you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
hipbone. sexy. ROFL.

6. if you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
japanese. nihon-go.

7. do you know your neighbours?
some of them, yeah.

8. what do you consider a vacation?
A BATTLE FIELD! ROFL! kidding. hmm. france? japan? korea? especially during the autumn/winter time. and oh, easter island. (: with friends i feel comfortable with, my love ones. with my guitar and piano...oh. and my voice.

9. do you follow your horoscope?
NAH.

10. would you move for the person you love?
yeah. i will. God, my mum and dad gave birth to me. i gotta move. it's so stupid to stone forever. just kidding. what kinda move? like move to give that person something better- yeah i will.

11. are you touchy feely?
no. but i like hugs. gives a very safe and warm feeling. i like it.

12. do you believe that opposites attract?
yes. unlike poles attract. you failed physics by asking such a question.

13. dream job?
singer-songwriter. to express music in the best way to let people know about God's love.

14. favourite tv channels?
DISNEY. :D

15. favourite place to go on weekends?
CHURCH! xD and the beach. (:

16. showers or baths?
showers. lazy to sometimes even shower.

17. do you paint your nails?
nah. i like clean nails.

18. do you trust people easily?
yes. a little too easily.

19. what are your phobias?
can we not talk about it now?

20. do you want kids?
yep! :D

21. do you keep a handwritten journal?
eh. school journals? yeah. diary? i guess i used to. and they were pretty... empty.

22. where would you rather be now?
heaven.

23. who makes you warm and fuzzy?
cannot say lah. shy shy. *blushes*
(what a bullshit answer. rofl.)

24. heavy or light sleeper?
a little bit of both. sometimes, i can be awoken by just the vibration. sometimes i need 15 calls.

25. are you paranoid?
yes. especially when i'm alone. and i hate it. i never used to be like that until now. that's why i wanna stay 15.

26. are you impatient?
hehehe. yeah. ;)

27. who can you relate to?
all kinds of people.

28. how do you feel about interracial couples?
kind really cool.

29. have you been burned by love?
nah. was never in love with anyone else other than God.

30. what's your pick-up line?
i feel like farting/shitting.

31. what's your main ringtone on your mobile?
BRRRRRRRRRR. vibration. (same as cong and lays)

32. what were you doing at midnight last night?
online. chatting. digging my nose. (ROFL! inside joke.)

33. what did the last text on your mobile say?
"wishing upon the star so bright.. wishin upon the moon's blessing light.. i wish for your peace tonight.. hope you have magical dreams and a pleasant night." eww. *shivers*

34. whose bed did you sleep in last night?
mine.

35. what colour shirt are you wearing?
ORH-SEK EH.

36. most recent movie you watched?
FINAL CALL. ahhhhh~! (actually it's not scary. sorry i lied.)

37. name three things you have on at all times.
underwear, clothes, spectacles/contact lens, hair?(yeah, i wear a wig- that explains my thick lion head- NOT.)

38. what colour are your bedsheets?
A little blue and white and... PINK. OH MY GOSH IT'S PINK. WHY DIDN'T I FREAKIN' REALIZE UNTIL NOW?!

39. how much cash do you have right now?
exactly SGD $0.15. (:

40.what's your favourite part of the chicken?
thigh meat. very, tender. *laughs*

41. what's your favourite town/city?
Singapore. it's still my homeland afterall! i'm patriotic! okay. actually i gave that answer 'cause i don't know.

42. i can't wait till:
i see myself grown-up as a faithful and powerful woman of God. and myself getting married. hah.

43. what did you have for dinner last night?
can't remember... -.-'' hmm. OH. curry. my mum cooked. :D

44. how tall are you barefoot?
1.64m. that's the measurement taken last year.

45.do you own a gun?
YES. SO YOU BETTER DON'T OFFEND ME! *aims you with her water gun*

46. what do you prefer to drink in the morning?
warm milo or tea or juice!

47. where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
some other foreign country, holding my concert.

48. last thing you ate?
my dinner. mee goreng! :D nice nice! got fresh tomatoes!

49. what songs do you sing in the shower?
eh. everytime different song one leh. =/

50. last thing that made you laugh?
lee jun. lol. you became a thing.

51. worst injury you ever had?
oh. i fell flat on my stomach and i stopped breathing for about a minute or two. oh. or was it that cut under my eye from that stupid unsuccessful robber?

52. does someone have a crush on you?
yah. if they crush on me silently, i'm okay. 'cause i wont know. but if there's a great commotion over it- i'm disgusted. i hate these kinda stuffs. =/

53. what's your favourite candy?
ALL KINDS! I LOVE SWEET STUFFS! :D

54. what song do you want played at your funeral?
Why, Sovereigh Hands, 'Til I See You and...
ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING! no lah, just kidding. uh, and Came To My Recue.

Yipee. I'm finally done. (:
I just wasted about an hour. Yipee.

O's!

2006-11-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

Whee~!

Left one more paper(which is like on the 20th lah. -.-)!

TIME TO CELEBRATE-

NOT.

Now, I'm really unsure where I want to go next year. =/

Aww. I hate thinking.

Mugged.

2006-11-07T11:08:00.000+08:00

I mugged. -.-'

Sunday mugged until 2 am. Yesterday, E Math Paper was quite okay. But uh, I made a lot of careless mistakes. =/ Finished right on time.

I think for that paper, it's probably a B4 or so. =/

After that, we've got about 4 hours break before Social Studies Paper. Got Lee to teach me structure essay format and SBQ format. I think I can pass with B3 for that. I hope. But thank God! All the four chapters I studied came out! xD

God's blessing man.

Today was Combine Chemistry Paper 2.

Gee. I stayed up 'til 3.30 am to study. Woke up at 6am to study again.

And I still think I'm gonna do badly. -.-''

But it's okay. I know I've done my best. I'll just trust in God for whatever outcome it may be.

But really lah. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't bothered to study at all. =/

I shall take a nap and then continue studying... -.-'' Worned out now.

God, You are real.

Sovereign Hands

2006-10-30T18:40:00.000+08:00

Sovereign Hands
Hillsong United

Sovereign hands
Nailed to a humble cross
Scars You bear
Speak of Your redeeming love

No wonder I call You the Saviour
No wonder I'm singing

God of all the heavens
Now and 'til forever
High above the universe
God of our redemption
God of my surrender
The glory is Yours

Sovereign God
Laying down a holy life
Heaven's Son
Willing to be crucified

Holy
Holy
Holy Lord

Open hands
Given to a sovereign cause
All I have
God will be forever Yours

Disney.

2006-10-29T23:18:00.000+08:00

I really like Peter Pan, Peter Pan: Return to Neverland and definitely, Treasure Planet as well.

Today, I watched the movie on Youtube.

It's still as good as I had watched it the first time. The finest Disney animated movie I've ever watched. It moved me to tears again. It's really touching, especially when you see how the Cyborg and Jim parted. I really liked their relationship. This really close and intimate father-son relationship they have.

Dear Santa Clause, I want Treasure Planet and the two Peter Pan DVDs. (I hope my uncle reads this 'cause he was our Santa Clause. xD)

Otherwise, I want...

I guess this shall be a secret.

I don't want.

2006-10-24T18:02:00.000+08:00

Well God.

I'm sixteen. No doubt. I'm growin' up. I'd say it's a point of time in my life that's gonna have drastic change.

Appearance, character, surrounding.

What would be of me after O's.

God, I seriously don't want to grow up. It just scares me thinking about growing up.

I suddenly felt like Peter Pan. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to start being crafty(as what I always thought adults to be). I don't want to have to worry about my appearance, and I don't ever want to compete. I don't even want to think about love or marriage. All of it are just problems, problems and problems. I don't want. But I know I'm growing up. Syptoms are out. Gosh, I don't want.

But God, I have to grow up, eh?

How scary.

The truth is, when we're older and mature, we know we don't see things as before. Things wouldn't be as simple- evrything would be complicated. We get crafty. Unable to trust one another. Competing each other in every area.

How sick.

How pure can our motives be like when we were young? How much can we trust one another?

God, even if I have to grow up- please give me that child-like heart. That child-like heart for You is all I'm asking for.

I may turn against the world and all- never let me turn against You. Never, ever, let me question about You.

Just let me believe like a child that my Daddy is real.

That's all I'm asking for.

Well. Time to study.

Heh.

2006-10-20T02:10:00.000+08:00

Today was quite an enjoyable caregroup. Or at least I knew I really enjoyed the part where we cook and ate and gamed together.

It was so funny. Ruijun made me cook roti pratas with her(BOOOOOOOOOoooooooo). We realised we might not have enough roti pratas, so went to 'Shop n Save' to buy. LOL. She's so full of crap. Truly adore her man.

Then we went back to fry roti prata. It was so hilarious. We were like, both blur-blur one, trying to figure out how to produce roti prata from those face-mask-look-a-likes. Ruijun keep making funny faces. LOL. Really! And stupid actions. We keep screaming and fighting.

The stupid Ruijun very stupid loh. Lol. When we were drying the first prata, smoke was produced and you could evidently smell the 'chao-da' smell. She sort of like, tried to flip it, and realised the bottom was all black. And she went like, "Eh.. I think 'chao da' liao. How ah?"

ROFL. Flip lah! I could still see the smoke coming out. Siew Luan and I kept laughing at her. She keep makin' spastic faces lah! LMAO.

Then after that, Lijia entered and went like, "Woah. I could smell the very nice food smell from the outside!"

I was like, "Er. Isn't that 'chao da' smell?"

Then after that, Ruijun and I supposed to like change our jobs lah. I fry then she put the "face-masks" in the pan. The after she put le, I asked her help me take care a while as I attend to something. THEN SHE WALKED AWAY! =.= Then come back turn, all the smoke, black black prata. Thanks ah, Low Rui Jun. Lols. Actually she very nice to bully and sabo. During caregroup games and eating time, keep suanning and sabo'ing her.

She super spastic lah! Even Siew Luan and Li Jia buey tahan.

Haha.

Really thank God for Rui Jun and Li Jia. You girls had been the joy during this tough period of time in my life.

Thank God for you!

:D

I think.

2006-10-15T00:55:00.000+08:00

I think that's it.

I wonder how long has this been happening-

That I've turned into someone else.

I realised how much I've changed. Too much. Not the appearance or looks- they don't really matter. The heart. The mind. The character. I've changed so much.

I've changed into a person who thinks of things that she never thought before. Thinks that she hated to think about. I've changed into someone who thinks too much, too deep, of things that's not very healthy to keep thinking about. I've been affected by what people say, the circumstances, the people themselves.

I don't want that.

I DON'T WANT!

I just want to be myself- the one I knew I was meant to be- the one I knew God wants me to be. Not someone who does things to serve others- but someone who does things to serve the audience of one.

Gee. What happened?

I used to be so much simple. But things had made me think too deep.

Faith. I've lost that kinda faith I had. I lost the childlikeness in me.

NONONO.

This is it! God! I'm coming back!

REVIVAL!

Hehe.

Okay God, I want to be even more faith-filled, and I want to be even more childlike about You! I just want to be a child of God!

That's it!

RAHH.

Stupid Satan. I fell for that trick. But OI. I'm coming back man! I drink revival potion liao. xD You're so dead Satan. Zzzz. Made me lose so much time and all. >=(

You're under my feet! You're under my feet!

SATAN IS UNDER MY FEET!

HIYA! *steps Satan like he's a cockroach*

Nostalgia.

2006-10-04T18:02:00.000+08:00

I never really talked about it or thought about it. I always thought it was never my business, just like my mum and my aunts would say, for I am too young.

But today, as I walked to the path, a sense of nostalgia came rushing over me.

I walked passed the place which used to be my cousins' place. It was demolished and was rebuilt into a modern looking terrace. I suddenly remembered how I used to visit my cousins everyday and play with them. My two elder brothers and my elder sister. We were so close.

I walked through the little shortcut I always take from my cousins' place to our place. When I was younger and tinier, the path seemed so huge to me, and I was always cautious of every step I take. And everytime I walked to a point, my hands would automatically cover my ears, and lead me to scream, as a black dog from my neighbour's would start barking at us. I would run scurriedly with my cousins and walked out of the path. There's always this point in the path where I would hold the railings real tight, in case I slip and fall.

Now, when I reached that pathway, it seemed so small to me. I walked passed the path, and the black dog never came. I guess it was gone. It's already been years. I looked at the little point where I would hold the railings tight- there isn't a need anymore. It's easy to cross.

I then walked passed where I had stay. The place, too, had been demolished, and was rebuilt into three houses. Three semi-detached. My big bungalow became roofs for three family. I felt so sad. It was no longer just "17W", but "17V" and "17X" as well. I could picture how the place used to look like, and I recalled how my elder brothers(cousins) would help me catch cats(because I love cats, and they dote my a lot). I remembered the time when I bathed with my sister(elder cousin) and we both got locked together in the bathroom. I remembered how I would catach spiders with my cousins, and my sister getting all disgusted. I remembered the pillow fight I had with my two dearest brothers(cousins), and how I always lose.

I missed those times where I laughed with them, where I played with them, where I cried with them.

I doubt they remember any of these, but I do.

I miss them.

I always wanted to be the heroine to heal the relationship between our families, but I never did.

Now that I see how our families had departed, how bad the relationship is broken, I can't help but to feel a pinch at my heart.

God, I really want us to reunite. Our families.

I fear.

2006-10-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

I fear.

I've been seeing people leaving. I'm seeing people in the midst of leaving.

Please don't let it happen. I really don't want to think of the fact that you guys might go to hell and suffer. I don't want to see you guys hopeless without God. I don't want to see God getting hurt. I don't want to hate you guys for leaving God. Because I love you guys so much. I don't want to see myself hating God because you guys left, for I love Him too much. I don't want to hate myself for hating.

You guys mean so much to me. You guys mean so much to God. You guys mean so much.

I'm really afraid. I don't want any of it to happen. God, let it be the work of all the stress from studying.

If it's from You, use me to prevent any of it to happen.Otherwise, use someone! God, just don't.

I don't want to see You hurt, I don't want to see them suffer.

All of it didn't really bothered me until just know when I was studying with Rachel. I thought about it, and I suddenly was filled with fear. I started crying. I pretended to be sleeping/resting so that no one could see. But I was sad for those who left, so scared of those who might leave.

I really wanted to just leave and go home and seek God. I so wanted to just speak to God. So I did, I spoke to Him with my mind. I told Him everything. I prayed in my mind. God arranged me to get home earlier than I thought I would, I sat on my bed and cried to Him, " Hold me, God!", and I picked up the guitar.

I started playing "'Til I See You".

And I cried.

I was so touched from the inside out, so filled with God's presence, and I could feel His love for His people. I started crying and singing. I meant the song with all my heart, and I could feel God so close to me. He was holding me. I could feel His tears and heart for His people. The love, the compassion, how much He hated to even think how His people might just leave Him.

But He assured me too.

He will do His best for them.

So Lord, I'll trust in You. I'll live to love you, to praise you, to be a child in awe of You. 'Cause Lord, You are God of all, You are Worthy- So Lord I'll Bless Your name.

For You're the greatest love that anyone could ever know. You overcame the cross and grave to find my soul. Each and everyone of our soul. So 'til I see You face to face, and grace amazing takes me home-

I'll trust in You.

I'll trust in You.

Now, I'll say I'm puttin my trust in the Lord. I won't see any of them leaving. Yes, they won't.

dear God, i love you.

2006-10-02T03:38:00.000+08:00

This photo was taken quite sometime ago when I was at East Coast alone. I was at the sea shore worshipping God, and I suddenly felt like a child and wrote these. I decided to take a photo of it, because I thought it was rather beautiful.

I've almost completely forgotten about this photo. I found it just now and I opened the file. When i saw the full view of the photo, I almost cried. I felt something within me. I can't explain the feeling, but I knew how much it meant to me. I felt so touched I almost cried. I just mean so much to me.

God. I love you. I really do.

Drums.

2006-10-02T03:26:00.000+08:00

I was bathing and suddenly God spoke to me about drums.

Drums. It may seem to be just a wild and crazy instrument, but it's so much more than that.

The drum beats in a song plays an important role. It keeps the tempo of the whole song constant. No matter how fast it is, how slow it is, how complicated it is, the tempo remains the same. Throughout the songs, the guitar might be strummed with distortion, the bass giving the savvy groove, the drums sounds terrifyingly complex and fast- the tempo remains the same.

Once the beat goes wrong, the whole song gets ruin.

The guitar can't seem to follow the exact beat, for the drum beats are messy alongside with the unstable tempo. The bass is confused whether to follow the guitar or the drums, or perhaps it should just go with what it thinks it should go? So messed up.

Our lives should be like the drums. Constant. Consistent. May it be the way we do things or the time we spent- it all should be consistent(unless it is wrong). Not just that-

Our thoughts and feelings should be consistent (and calm) at all times.

No matter how bad situation maybe(as compared to the complexity of the drumming), how breathless it seem(the speed) and how hopeless it may appear- our mind(thoughts) should be calm and all times, consistent of what we thing and what we should think. Reflection of our daily walk is important, that we keep watch of what we do. A mind of a drummer is important when faced with a complicated and tense situation- we calm ourselves and think carefully in a constant speed to get the optinum result.

So much more. God spoke so much more. I so want to type everything else, but I find it so hard to type them out into words. His words are so simple but complex, so easy to understand yet so deep. I want to share everything, but I can't put them into words already.

But whatever the case, I know God's speaking to me, and I will obey Him.

For I know my God.

Scared.

2006-09-29T16:47:00.000+08:00

God, I'm scared.

I'm okay. I'm strong. But I'm scared.

I'm scared it might be true. I'm scared I'll break down. I'm scared I'll be fragile. I'm scared.

Keep me strong.

Let me be assured I'm save in Your arms.

I read up about it. It scares me. What if she really gets it? What if? How are we going to survive? The bills, bills and bills? What am I supposed to do? I want to do everything I wish I could, but I know somethings I just can't do. I'm scared. God, I'm so scared.

I know You're with me. Please be with me.

I still believe in You. I'll be strong.

I know You're always there for me.

I admit.

2006-09-24T01:15:00.000+08:00

I admit that I'm very troubled by many matters for the past few weeks, or even months. Not just sheep or studies, family as well. We're having financial problem, and my mum's ill.

We're not too sure about what's she getting. I shan't reveal too much.

But I was pretty much taken away by the news when my dad spoke to me some time ago. My heart haven't really adjust itself as yet. I pushed aside the emotion, not wanting to deal with them, and thus failure in many aspects in my life.

Yet the Lord my God is still here with me. Always there, to listen to me. Yet I was foolish to just lie to myself and push aside my emotions. God was there for me to talk to. I've settled these with God. Faith and trust in Him, that all will be fine. (:

Thanks to my teacher, Mrs Nathan as well.

Oh. And girls. You know who you are. I really hope the two of you may reconcile and well, come to know God personally already. Oh, as for you, recommit to God already. I see that you have the desire to know God, but something's stopping you. And you, recommit to God, repent, and change into a new life already. It hurts to see you getting from bad to worse.

I'll pray for you girls.

Despite it all, I'll still give thanks to God, for He is great and mighty and powerful and wonderful and excellent and magnificent and so many other things. Hallelujah.

Lead me, mould me, grow me.

A touch from You is what I desire. Even just a touch of Your presence, I'm satisfied.

But God, I seriously don't just want to be satisfied. I want to be joyous.

Let me sink into Your presence. Everyday. So close. So deep.

I desire.

: D

2006-09-24T00:59:00.000+08:00

Hah.

I felt very blessed this few days.

A sheep, a sister, with just a simple heart and desire. One who is satisfied, grateful and thankful for what she has. You've got so much more coming in your way, my girl. God can use you so much more than you'll ever imagine. Pleasant surprise awaits you.

And you, my dearest, have grown so much since the first time I took care of you. You desire for God and the desire to serve Him has grown so much. Despite the rejections you'd received, you never gave up and continue to hope in the Lord. Amen and Hallelujah.

Dear sister, I know it's been tough for you. I've been through tough times such as these too, but hey, hope in the Lord! Rejoice despite the circumstance. For it is written in the one of the most common verse memorised, Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Take faith. Trust in the Lord. Never forget His faithfulness. Give thanks. You can do it.

Dearest sheep of grads group, I missed spending individual times with you girls. It's just so hard to get closer to you girls now that we're of different Caregroups. Still, remember that I'm still your shepherd, and will be right there for you when you need me. I'm not someone who expresses that easily- because I mean what I say. And I mean what I say. Jiayou for your studies and your walk with God. I pray that I'll still be able to impart the Spirit despite the distance.

My two little playful sheep. It's time for you to learn to commit to God. I see that you girls have true desire to serve and know Him more, but there had been hindrances. Take note: God is real. I've told you girls before, if you're saying you want to love Him, you gotta mean it and put action to it. I pray that you girls will learn to commit to Him.

Despite all these, my dear sheep, I love all of you girls just as Christ does. I'll continue to love you. I'll guide you nearer to God. I'll listen to you when you need a listening ear, and I promise to give my best to you girls.

I mean it with my heart and soul and mind. One reason I do all these is God's love. Empowered by His reality and love. Overwhelming. Joyous. Uncontainable. I pray that you girls may experience Him so closely as such measure, no, even deeper.

Amen and Hallelujah. All thanks and praise to Him. (:

Thomson Plaza.

2006-09-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

Today's the second time I've ever gone to Thomson Plaza. The first time was with Clarence, Lee Jun, Michelle and some other people to study. Today, I went there to have my lunch at Pizza Hut with beloved Rachel Fong. (:

I'm so full. -.-'' I'm still full after, like, 4 hours? -.-''

Power of food. High consumption rate of cheese = increase amount of fats

=/

Rachel! Time to exercise le! >.<

Fat fat de. Bui bui one. Can see my fats bulging out le. *squeezes tummy fats and pokes it*

I think I'm suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder(BDD). I'm so scared people will freak out when they look at the short, fat and ugly me! )': Ahh! I don't dare to go out anymore! Shall quit school and be home-schooled! Shall never go out! Ahh~! *flees*

Kidding lah. I don't have BDD. xD But well, people with BDD are kinda pathetic. -.-' They got so obsessed with their imaginary ugly looks that they don't dare to meet people. -.- How lame.

All right. I did very, very badly for my Prelims. Hmm. =/ Nevermind, I'll just do my best for the rest of the days left, and do my best to glorify His name and honour my parents. Tough, eh? But I'm gonna do it.

Not only am I going to score well for my O's, the group's going to grow, AMEN(neb1)?

With Christ, all things are possible.

AMEN!

Hit it, baby! xD

Unwell; but Well. (:

2006-09-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling unwell lately. My eyes get irritated very easily, and there's something wrong with my stomach.

Keep having diarrhoea, and I feel nauseous all the time.

Hmm.

Even though my physically body's been attacked, my spiritual body is getting better and better! : D

Through this few days, God's been reminding me a lot about fundamentals, especially the area about leaders having a shepherd's heart. I've been refreshed by songs and teachings, and constantly reminded of God's reality in my life. It's been quite a cool period of time for me, especially when this point of time in my life's pretty serious and depressing. -.-'

But hey! Just as what Philippians 4:4 had said, I shall REJOICE IN THE LORD! : D

I've been closer to the people I loved, and broken relationships had been restored! It's just so great!

And it's so great to be able to worship God wholeheartedly, putting aside my burdens, again. (:

Wonderful Lord.

(:

2006-09-13T20:40:00.000+08:00

Today's a happy day for me.

Met her up. (:

Ate at Sumo house.

Talked to my ex-sheep who backslided.

Great. (:

Uh. But bad 'cause I'm going to fail my Prelims. Really. I'm serious. -.-'

GOD!

Weird.

2006-09-05T02:28:00.000+08:00

You've been acting weird lately.

Or is it just me?

Hmm. No. You've been acting weird. What's wrong?

I prefer the other you.

1 Chronicles 15-17

2006-09-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

1 Chronicles 15.
God chose me.
God did not make any mistakes.
God placed people around me to share the burden with.

1 Chronicles 16.
God is faithful.
God is powerful.
God is real.
God was, God is, and God will be.

1 Chronicles 17.
God alone.
God promises.
God fulfils.

1 Chronicles 16:8-13
"Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name;
make known among the nations what He has done.
Sing to Him, sing praise to Him;
tell of all His wonderful acts.
Glory in His holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and His strength;
seek His face always.
Remember the wonders He has done,
His miracles, and the judgments He pronounced,
O descendants of Israel His servant,
O sons of Jacob, His chosen ones."

Amen and Hallelujah.

Through the storm, yet I will praise You;
Despite it all, yet I will sing.
Through good or bad, yet I will worship;
For You remain the same, King of Kings.

I'm hungry for Your fire;
I'm desperate, You're my one desire.
Jesus- please don't pass me by.

I need You, more than ever;
I'm thirsty, for a touch from Heaven.
Jesus- please don't pass me by.

Are You sure?

2006-09-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

God.

Are You sure?

Are You sure You're making the right choice by placing such a difficult course before me? The mountain seem so high- I can't even see the peak. The slopes are so smooth and slippery, I'll slip and fall. The rest of the journey seemed so long, so unreachable, so impossible.

I'm losing hope, God.

I wish I was simpler, but I know I'm not. I'm losing it. I'm left behind.

I'm so scared. I'm really scared. I very afraid I might just leave You.

I don't want to. I really don't want.

How I wish it's just me being emotional for the moment. But I know it's not. It's happened so many times, and know I know it's not a rush of emotion, it's the emotion that had been piling up within me.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep and dream of You. I just want to be where You are, in Your arms. I don't want anything else. Everything else seem so unwanted to me. All I want is You. You Lord, just You, God.

But why can't I seem to find You? Where's the comfort I've been yearning for?

Where are You?

Somehow, I know You're near somewhere. So God, please, meet me. Please. That's all I'm askin for. Just a word, a whisper, anything. Just anything Lord. I just want to be with You.

Let everything else fade away.

Love.

2006-09-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

It's so hard to show how much you love someone.

I don't want to be nice anymore.

Silent Piano

2006-09-03T14:41:00.000+08:00

I want a silent piano! )':

So that I can play the piano at night.

But the price... -.-

Oh wells.

Where Did I Go Right?

2006-09-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

Where Did I Go Right?
By Hilary Duff

I'm always too late
I see the train leaving
I'm always laughing
When it's not cool to smile

I'm always aiming
But somehow keep missing
So how did you get here
Something is wrong

Chorus:
Where did I go right
How did I get you
How come all this blue sky is around me
And you found me
Where did I go right
How did I get you
I don't know how I did
But somehow now I do

I'm always driving
Forget where I'm going
Should have turned left
But I was singing some song

And I, I am arriving
As everyone's leaving
But there you are waiting
Something is wrong

Chorus

Makes no sense to me
No it isn't clear
But somehow you're standing here
Something gets to me
It's that nothing is wrong

Chorus x2

This song tells exactly how I feel.

God, how did I get You?
Idon'tknow.
Somehow, I just did.

Truth.

2006-09-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

I'm quite irritated? And upset?

I felt accused.

I was telling the truth. Why don't believe?

Bahhs. Forget it.

HOW COULD I??

2006-08-31T00:33:00.000+08:00

Gosh. How could I forget to announce this great news?

XIAO JUN JUN CAME TO KNOW GOD! : D

On the 26th of August 2006, Low Rui Jun came to receieve Salvation(in her seat- she feels that going down the aisle's sia suay). I know she was really sincere about accepting Christ. It took her quite sometime before she finally decided she wants to know this God. (:

Thank God for your choice! (:

WE LOVE YOU!

Had caregroup today.

HEYS, MY DEAR STINKY FELLAS! xD Toilet Paper's here to stink this place~! xD
(Apparently, my group's in this Toilet Game and each of us have a Toilet name. And a fellow Toilet to Bless. xD)

God.

2006-08-29T17:57:00.000+08:00

Thank You.

Thank You for Your faithfulness all these time despite my unfaithfulness. Thank You for always being there, thank You for being the omnipotent God, thank You for being my Daddy. Thank You for being so gentle and patient despite my wilfulness. Thank You for never forsaking me despite my ugliness. Thank You creating me. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your love.

Thank You for Your Blessings. As I calmed down and started giving thanks to You, I counted my Blessings, and I realised how Blessed I actually was. Thank You for blessing me with Your people around me, to help me, guide me, lead me, mould me and love me.

The Power of Prayers- I believe in this.

The Power of Faith- Like a little child, I'll believe in You.

The Power of Love- I can overcome everything with Your love.

Lord, thank You.

Nothing in this World can satisfy me. Only You Lord, only You.

Thank You.

I won't be needing more lollipops. I've got one that will last me forever, 'til eternity- Jesus-flavoured lollipop. (:

Tired.

2006-08-28T17:56:00.000+08:00

How am I able to actually finish so many lollipops within so little time?

God, how?

I'm so damn tired.

LOLLIPOPS.

2006-08-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

I've always loved lollipops.

I laughed, joked, danced, jumped, screamed and really went crazy.

It's not enough.

Chupa Chups! Sugar-free LOLLI~! : D Strawberry~!

I need more lollipops. Loads of them.

Hey God.

2006-08-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

Hey God.

Thanks for the comfort last Saturday.

Sorry God.

I don't know already. I'm so hurt. God, only You can stop my tears, only You can mend my broken heart.

Please do so.

I'm so tired.

I'm so sorry.

Comforted.

2006-08-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

Today was a great service for me. Once again, God's faithfulness has been so real to me. God has showed me how prayers work. God, how can I not put my trust in You after how much You've showed Your reality to me?

I know somehow, someway, things are going to be better.

Thanks for that comfort. (:

Anyway- I caught this on my way to Douby Ghaut MRT station.

MISS BUNNY! LOLS.

LOL! She brightened up my day. xD

God, you've called me to be CL over Your people, Shepherd over this flock- and I'll give my best- for I know You'll give Your best. Thanks for making me into who I am. Thank You that I'm never a mistake. (:

Dear cousins!

2006-08-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today, after school, before Social Studies remedial, I had Mac's take-away in school.

And she came up to me to disturb me. BUGGER!

Haha. I love her. My dear cousin.

Gladys, we go out soon ya?

Aww. I suddenly miss my cousins so much!

I wanna go out with them one day!

Oh. Anyway, I led one of the Praise songs for Prayer Meet today. "Salvation Is Here", people. Save those lives! :D

Just a little thought.

2006-08-18T21:30:00.000+08:00

I realised how selfish the nature of mankind could be.

We always want others to spare a thought for us- but have we ourselves spare a thought for others?

Just a little thought.

I guess we're not.

Cries.

2006-08-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

I cried again.

Bahhs. Feels emotional.

But thank God for speaking to me through His people.

Yeah. It's You. I'm never a mistake.

(:

Thank You. (:

Thanks guys! I LOVE YA GUYS! (:

Girl, I just pray for you to be safe and sound. I'm still here.

I ran and He was there.

2006-08-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

I ran. My legs were tired from the running. I wanted to stop running and face whatever that was behind me, but I couldn't make myself stop. I kept running. This is not the way, I thought to myself, but I still kept running.

I kept running. I don't know how long I had ran. I forgot the reason why I ran. Or rather, I forced myself to forgot the reason why I ran. Then, I slowed down, and I saw Him.

He said, I'm here.

I stopped running. Then I fell down and cried. He hugged me in His arms, and listened to me. He comforted me, and piggy-back me. I felt so safe on His back. I knew He was going to bring me through this obstacle. I knew I didn't have to be afraid of what's behind me.

Thank You, Lord.

I don't know who I am to you anymore. I thought we were, but then I'm not too sure. I know you won't initiate, and so I want to. But I'm so afraid to. Then things happened. I realised there was nothing I could do for you. I so badly want to do something for you, but I don't know how and what to do. I cried. Then He came in and comforted me. And I've decided: It doesn't matter who I am to you anymore. I'll still love you. I'll still be there for you. (: Jiayou, my dear sister, my dear friend. I know God will bring you through it all. (:

(:

2006-08-13T15:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I asked Lee Ling a question:

Would you want to grow to become a shepherd?

She replied almost immediately, no.

I was quite shocked and disappointed, for I see her as a potential shepherd over Holy Innocents'. I started to ponder again- then who shall I rise up to take over Holy Innocents' next time? I took so long to ponder. Then, I received her SMS while in UDMM.

I have decided that I would want to be a shepherd next time.

I was overjoyed! For through this SMS, I know she meant what she said. I know she knows persecutions and obstacles are coming her way, but for the Lord, she chose this.

I am very proud of her.

God, guide her, help her, mould her.

Amen.

Ultraviolet.

2006-08-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

Today's Saturday!

I want to thank God for Lee Ling! She risked her life to come down for service! Rui Jun came too! xD

I'm very happy today, I guess.

Went to Ultraviolet! Lol. It was...

Not as good as I thought it might have been.

Yeah, it's true that the musicians and singers were great! The songs too, rocked, but the Spirit's not quite there.

The preaching's a little messed up. -.-'

I was a little disappointed and disturbed when the Planetshakers musicians started playing their solos. It felt... so wrong. I was quite angry actually, and I stopped clapping and dancing. I spoke to God.

God. It felt so wrong. I'm here to praise and worship you, not them.

I guess Planetshakers were reaching out to Youths, and were trying to attract them, so thus the worldly kind of feel. But I was seriously quite disturbed. But woah, I have to admit the musicians were superb. Gosh. The drummer... -.-' I was like, SIAO? Lol. No doubt about that, their musicians were great, their singers too- but the Spirit was not quite right.

Oh wells. It was a new experience though. But I don't know, when the concert ended, I thought to myself-

I wouldn't mind not going actually.

=/

But hey, it really striked me that our church WAM must grow! Gosh! I believe that if Planetshakers, with their skills, can attract so many people- Hope can do far more than that of Expo auditorium, for the Spirit is there.

HOPE! JIAYOU! >.<

God, use me.

ULTRAVIOLET GONE!

2006-08-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

BAHHS.

I may not be able to go Ultraviolet tomorrow 'cause of my eyes.

...

IWANNAGOULTRAVIOLET!

T^T

Great time.

2006-08-10T01:17:00.000+08:00

Had a great time with God just now. Refreshed myself. Reminded myself of God's love for me, and my love for God.

God, I want to be able to talk to You everyday, exchanging our words of love. It's just so amazing that I'm in this indescribable relationship with You. It's so sweet and so real. Your presence, Your love, is undeniably real.

(:

THEN, I studied two chapters of Chemistry. -_-''

I think I'm dying.

Reminded myself of this fact(all thanks to Xiao Jun Jun. LOLS) that PRELIMS will be here in another 18 days.

18 days.

Gosh. And this time around, Parents-Teacher-Meet is on the 29th September- MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY.

God. Is this some kind of joke?

I hope You're trying to let me do will this prelim so that I can give her a good present. =/

Gee. I feel like banging the wall. -.-'

Happy National Day.

2006-08-09T20:44:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY. (:

Well. This feels weird. Hah.

Let me wish singapore a Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dear SINGAPORE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

(:

I want to see real fireworks.

JOY.

2006-08-08T21:59:00.000+08:00

I'm super happy! (:

God is so REAL! (:

Thanks, people, for the prayers.

Her heart is softened! She's coming for caregroup this week!

xD

I've never been happier.

To all my dear sheep: I will love you girls no matter what you may say or do to me. As long as God lives and loves you, I too will love you. (:

God- now, how can I deny Your reality? Haha!

You're just too real, too good. (:

Red-eyed monster.

2006-08-07T20:03:00.000+08:00

RAHH! Here comes the red-eyed monster!

I'm currently suffering from swollen eyes. -.-' And they are red. And painful.

Rahh.

2 days MC. Doctor said it'd take about 1 week to heal. He said someone passed it to me.

Oh wells.

I found a lame friend of mine whom I adore.

MY XIAO JUN JUN~! xD

One word.

2006-08-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

Stupid Yushan!

Stop crying all the time!

God, I wish I had more wisdom, I wish I was stronger in You.

God, You said prayer works.

One word, God. One word from You, please, to just soften her heart towards You.

One word.

Hey.

2006-08-06T14:16:00.000+08:00

I think some people caught me crying in RC yesterday after meeting.

The truth is I've been crying a lot recently. During worship and after that.

Don't worry, my dear brothers and sisters, I'm fine. Just worried over my girls.

God, do something soon, will ya?

Tired.

2006-08-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm so, so, so tired.

I really just want to sleep- forever.

God.

Fear.

2006-07-30T21:15:00.000+08:00

I have a fear.

God. Please don't let it be true.

Lee Ling.

2006-07-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to my new sheep, Lee Ling. (:

Thank God for you. I know it has been hard for you to make the decision to receive Christ. You took two weeks and two days actually, I counted. You were scared that you may face parental persecution, therefore you didn't say the Sinner's Prayer.

But on that Tuesday night, you decided to receive Salvation, despite knowing the fact your parents would go against it. Thank God for you- and welcome!

You have no idea how Blessed I am to have you with me, to take care of you. I remembered that time when you heard that I was sick and lying in the Sick Bay, you put aside everything else and ran back to the school's Sick Bay to look for me from Hougang Mall. I saw the way you puff from all that running. I was really touched. You stayed with me until school ended, and then after which, you received Salvation.

I've heard rumours about you, that you're not very honest, and probably may not be serious about this. But from that look in your eyes-

I knew you meant it deep from your heart.

You hurriedly phoned me that afternoon to ask me how to say Grace before eating. I was very encouraged by your childlikeness. Somehow, just through this alone, I know you are serious about serving and loving God. I knew you really believe this God. Thank God for you.

And just three days after your conversation, your mum found out about your faith and persecuted you.

I almost cried when I saw those black and blue marks, those bruises on your legs. You told me gently that you can't go to service this Saturday, and that your handphone was confiscated. You were also grounded, told to go home immediately after school.

I was worried. Were you giving up on God?

I looked for you and asked you, " Do you still want to continue to be a Christian?" You said you don't know. I asked again and got the same reply. So, I asked, " Why did you convert in the first place?"

You replied, " Because I believe in God."

" If that is so," I said, " Then believe that God will bring you through this persecution. So, let me ask again, do you still want to be a Christian?"

You pondered over it for a few seconds. Then, you looked into my eyes. I realised there was fear in your eyes, but there was also hope and perserverance in it. " Yes." You replied firmly.

Thank God for you for not giving up God. (:

You asked me when the next caregroup would be, and you did all you could to try to attend at least a worship session. I really see how much you desire to serve. I really see it. I really know how sincere you are in wanting to experience God, to love God, to give all for God.

Thank God for you, Lee Ling, my dear sheep.

Stupid me.

2006-07-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

How foolish I am.

If then I was fearless, why should I fear when I have God now?

Sometimes, I really can't stand myself.

God says, " I'm more than you think."

God. Help me then.

Sorry girls. I'm not very in the right mood today. It's been bothering me. I will do something to it. I will bring him to Christ. I wish more people like him will know God.

Oh God.

Past in the present.

2006-07-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

I was joyful and all. Until I met one of my past today.

I will bring him to Christ. I will save him like how I was saved.

Burden for people like him.

Testimonies! : D

2006-07-20T21:14:00.000+08:00

Woah! One great week's almost over!

: D

This will be a long entry of TESTIMONIES OF BLESSINGS. So- sit back, relax and read. : D

Saturday night, on 15th July at around 11.30 pm, I was on my way home. And I got attacked by robbers. (:

You'll probably be asking- ER. Yushan, like that is blessings meh? -.-'

Yes, it is.

As I recalled, I was attacked, I bled and I screamed and cried. But I was safe and sound and I had no loss. I bled because I had a cut under my right eye. And thank God for that! It was just a few inches away from my eye. If it had cut my eye... -.-' Hah. Yah. And somehow, thank God, I got away from the two robbers and my valuables were still with me. Really God's blessings.

From Monday 'til today, we(the caregroup) has been going to Melody's place a lot. I've met Melody's parents and spoken to them. They put their trust in me and officially allow Melody to go to church. (: Melody's dad confiscated Melody's phone. I had a little talk with her dad, and her dad returned Melody her phone. Melody's parents both didn't allow Melody to go out because they're afraid she'll mix with the wrong people- but I've spoken to them and they are assured that if their daughter is with me, she will be safe. Her dad even told me that as long as I'm the one Melody's hanging out with- he'll make sure she's on time.

: D

On Tuesday, we held Caregroup at Melody's place. We worshipped and then I rushed off for WAM's Vision Night. During the meeting, I received a couple of SMSes from Melody and Lee Ling. Melody said she was thankful for me and Lee Ling said she has decided to receive salvation despite the fact that her parents would most probably persecute her! : D

On Wednesday, something went wrong with my stomach, but because of that, I could look up for Lee Ling to lead her to the Sinner's Prayer! And there, another soul saved on the 19th July 2006! : D

Today, we went to Melody's place again. This time around I spoke to Melody a lot. Spent time with her talkig a lot about herself and God. Then spent time with the rest. Went home and I received an SMS from Melody:

" Thanks for being my shepherd. You rawk! I really hope I can be save from this. Thank You so much!"

And then this SMS from her.

" I love you and God... I'm thankful that God sent you to help me. (:" (She added some other stuffs into this SMS but I can't reveal them in this blog as it'd be invading HER privacy.)

How sweet eh?

NEB1 managed to retained those unretained, and we retained our new believers as well. From last month's 4 people, we grew to 9! :D Thank God!

Thank God, thank God! :D

Blessed.

2006-07-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

I can't do these on my own.

When I look at the blessings that You've showered upon us despite our incapabilities, I'm so assured You're going to bring us through. Somehow, I just know You will be there despite it all.

Thank You. (:

God.

2006-07-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

I am timid. I really am.

God. Help me. I really, really can't do this on my own. I need You in every aspect of my life. God, if You're reading this, fill me today.

I need you.

Wholly dependance.

2006-07-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

All surrendered to God.

Help me. I can't do these on my own.

Traumatised. Tickled.

2006-07-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Something traumatising happened. But at the same time quite funny. 'Cause of my reaction. -.-' I really think I'm a bit lame. -.-'

But thank God. God spoke to me a lot through this incident.

But at that point of time, I was really scared. I cried for... 10 minutes. Then I stopped le. Then I reflected. Then I started laughing. Because quite funny.

But anyways- thank God!

David.

2006-07-12T17:50:00.000+08:00

Okay. I really, really admire David. I admire his desire for God. His relentless pursuit for God. His heart and mind and soul is always thinking about God, his life a total surrender to God, his everything belongs to God.

Such faith, such love, such dependance on God.

Despite it all, he believed in Him and continued to seek Him consistently, even at times he couldn't find God. His heart all out for God. Believing despite difficulty. How I admire him.

Hmm. I'll baptise as David.

When I can baptise. -.-'

: D

Mould.

2006-07-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I think I'm not thinking too much. I think it is a fact that everyone around me seem to be in some kind of problem. Not doing very well. Spiritual battle. Many of us are fighting this battle. Stay strong and focused, brothers and sisters! This is a time where God will mould us to a stronger generation than before!

Stop dwelling into your grief and not listen to God! Wake up- scream to God whatever you really want to scream. Tell God all you ever want to say. Let Him listen and cry with you. Let Him carry you through.

And let Victory come in.

Deuteronomy 20:4

Oh God. Thank You for always being there for us despite of our unfaithfulness, our impatience. Thank You for carry us through the tough times. Are you tired? No. For Your children, You're never tired. You'll keep carrying us, until we reach the end of race.

Thank You. Thank You for giving us this time. This period of time to mould us. Thank You.

Thank You.

Aww.

2006-07-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

Aww. My sheep, Li Jia, smsed me to ask if I was asleep. I replied, "No. Studying." Then she asked if I got test later. I said I have Mock Exam.

Then she replied this:

"Oh... Jiayou, jiayou... Add oil, add oil... Support you all the way... Pray for you..."

Aww. I'm so touched. Felt so loved.

God probably's saying this to me too:

"Jiayou, jiayou! Add oil, add oil! I'll support you all the way! I'm with you."

(:

Elis and Melody.

2006-07-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

Woah. God. Hah.

I don't think Elis will be reading this, it doesn't matter even if she does. Anyway, I'm really awed by God of what she's told me just now.

She said she wants join our Church. She would be coming, and she said she would try her best to bring more people.

Woah. I'm utterly speechless at that. So amazed.

Elis was a girl from a Christian family, but had never said the sinner's prayer, so I shared to her and she said the prayer and was officially a Christ follower.

But she never came for services.

This went on for about 4 months or so, and I was giving up on her. Then, finally, Saturday, she came. Then she said she wants to serve here and she wants to bring people. Woah.

I'm very encouraged by Melody, my new believer who converted on 9 July 12.30 a.m. She reminds me of King David. She's so hungry for God! She is so excited whenever I tell her stories about God from the Bible, and she constantly asked me for help to help her change into a better person. She asked me how to feel God, because she wants to feel God. She said, "How long must I pray to feel God? Because I really, really, really want to feel Him!"

She also said this, "Woah... God is so good. I want to do everything for Him!" "I want to spread His name!" "I really want to."

God. You're moving. You're too real to deny.

Totally amazed. Thank You, Lord.

Spent almost an hour for QT. Felt so refreshed. Indeed, only His Spirit can touch lives and change them. Amen.

Okay. Stupid Yushan! Ahh~! Right after I spent my QT, about 2 minutes later, my mum scolded me and I was rude to her. -.-' She scolded me for staying up till now. I told her I was studying. Then she scolded me for studying today but not yesterday. -.-' Alamak. I study or don't study also kana scolded. I ALMOST shouted that out of my mouth. But thank God, Holy Spirit prompt me not to. But still, I WAS rude. 'cause I gave that pissed-off tone when I replied her just now. -.-' Oh God! I need self-control! I want to honour my parents!

I'll follow Your ways.

God!

2006-07-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

Gosh. I don't know what else to say other than thank God! :D

Today's service, we had two converts from Serangoon Garden Secondary! : D Annabelle and Daryl- welcome to the Family of God! xD

Anyway- I was very worried just now during Breakthrough meeting 'cause one of my visitors, Melody, went missing! Elis(my sec one member from my school) couldn't find her. Then I was worried, but I told her nevermind, ask her come. And to my surpise- she came with a visitor from our school!

Though that visitor didn't receive Christ, I'll still continue to work on her. I'm sure God will touch her deeply. (:

Anyway- after service, we went off to RC for sub-d meeting. I was leading worship and Marcus was my guitarist. Oh gosh la. I was so "ahhh" and I don't know what to do so we practised and prayed. I feel very malu 'cause I really very malu la. See, I even typed so malu-ly. LOL. I wrote wrong lyrics ah then don't know what else. LOL.

Then I forget to prepare what I want to say before worship starts! I was like, oh God, lead me! Then I spoke whatever God wants me to say. And I led. Weilun and Freedy prophecied during worship. And God sang through me during worship too. After the worship, Huaxiang prophecied too.

This is God. Definitely God and no one else. Only He is able to do these.

Siewluan said worship was good, Kriss and Tiffany told me it was very ministering. Kriss actually cried during the worship.

Who else could it be other than God?

Don't try to convince me that God ain't real. It ain't going to work. LOL.

I thought Sunny taught well during the meeting. I really was refreshed by the teaching and was reminded of the fundamentals of having God's love in our life. (: Sunny was really passionate and convicted of what he was teaching and you really saw that sparkle in his eyes. Woah. I felt encouraged by him.

Anyway- after meeting had another meeting with NEB. We're having another MCG on this coming Thursday. Those who want to experience God- be there! : D Ask me for time and location. LOL. After that short meeting, I met Rachel at our "place" and we sat and talked. How wonderful it is. Really thank God for a sister like her. I finally shared something that I never thought I'd tell anyone. I really love Rachel. (:

Anyway- by the time I reached home, it was already around 12 am. So I hurriedly went online and spotted Melody online. I went to speak to her. It turned out she couldn't come out today because her mother grounded her for skipping school on Friday. (Anyway, the only way to contact Melody is MSN. Her phone's confiscated and no phone calls to her are NOT allowed at home.) So I told her she could come next week, she said okay.

Then, she started telling me she felt very upset and all. I asked her what happend and she started sharing very deep things with me, even things she didn't tell Elis(who supposedly is her best friend). Then, I shared the Word with her. I told her about God and His reality, and she asked me, "How to know this God?"

"Do you really want to know God?"

"Yes."

And she said the sinner's prayer on 9 July 2006 at 12.30 a.m.

Welcome to the family of God, Melody!

God loves all.

: D

Praise God!

3 new converts! : D And unretained came and new visitor came! Amen! Oh God, You're too real to deny. LOL.

I'm going to study real hard for God. No time to slack. God, for You I'll do everything!

Faithful is Thy name!

2006-07-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

HALLELUJAH!

Oh my gosh. I can't believe how God really is working in my life, in OUR lives! :D

On Monday, we had MCG with Zhonghua group. None of our contacts turned up, only Zhonghua's. Then I thought, "No! This should not be happening!" So today, I had another MCG. Again, no contacts turned up, but a un-retained convert came and now is closer with us. (:

Anyway- I was pretty upset actually. I held two MCGs, but none came! Why?

BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL!

Tomorrow, my caregroup will be having 3 visitors! One guy and two girls. One guy and one of the girls said they want to receive Christ! Another one is very attached to our caregroup member! Also, we connected back two of our people and we have one backslider coming back! Oh my gosh! This is amazing!

God, I just am so amazed by you. I know not what to say other than "thank You".

And oh. Just a little thing. Was late for PM 'cause of MCG, but God spoke to me within that short time of worship. While I was worshipping, I was distrupted a few times by the guitar. I was wondering what was happening. Did the guitar string break or something? Or did the guitarist strummed wrongly? Why was the guitar producing off-key notes?

I opened my eyes to watch Marcus play as I was very distrupted. As the off-key tone rang in my ears- the guitar was perfectly fine and Marcus was strumming all right! There was no way that sound came from it. I wondered why! I continued worshipping and then the sound stopped.

While I was sitting on the bus one my way home, I kept thinking about the off-key tone. I asked God, why was I hearing things? I knew it wasn't hearing problem. I knew I heard it even though I knew Marcus nor the guitar produced that sound. It must besome kind of divine sound that only I could here, and God clearly wants to speak to me. So I kept asking God. And God replied.

And I repented.

Judgemental spirit. This is the spirit that stopped my group from growing. Especially my school. While worshipping, why was I so distrupted by the music? Because I was judging the music already. I judged it. If it was good, I will worship well. It it's not, I won't. This is the spirit I had with people. I often judge people without realising it. I was shocked at first when God told me. But I prayed and reflected, and yes, I see those times where I had been judgemental. I acknowldeged and repented.

God told me that this was the same spirit I had with people. Not just people from the church- but non-believers as well. I judge them by their appearance, character and CCA to see if they are "available" to serve God or not. God said that He will use ANYONE and EVERYONE. I shouldn't judge! I should accept them as who they are and accept them as people that I want to bring to God and not judge if they really are going to help extend the Kingdom or not. Because, I may never know that nerdy-looking and slightly overweight girl might just be a pastor next time(I'm just giving example). I repented for my judgemental spirit and asked God for the spirit of acceptance.

And the confirmations came in.

How divine it is, my God! It's so amazing You still Bless a wretch like me!

Oh God- You are great.

Faithful is Thy name!(:

Please.

2006-07-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

Oh I pray!

Random.

2006-07-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

My ex - (don't have one. LOL)

Maybe I should - sleep earlier tonight. -.-'

I love - God. (:

I dont understand - theories. So I don't understand practically everything.

I lose - my weight when I exercise regularly.

People say - what they want to say.

Somewhere, someone - is dying. And then living again. (refers to dying to sins, living in Christ. LOL)

"I will always love you" - is something God will always say. (:

Forever - God is faithful~!

I never want - to live in a world without chocolates, candies and ice creams.

When I wake up in the morning - I feel like going back to bed again.

My past was - overly interesting.

I get annoyed when - I speak to people who expect you to understand when they don't tell you anything.

Parties are for - birthday babies!

My dog is - dead about 6 years ago.

My cat is - present in my future!

Kisses are best when - it's milk chocolate flavour(refers to the chocolate, Kisses).

Tommorow is - Thursday.

I really want - to serve Him all my days. : D

Combine caregroup.

2006-07-03T22:47:00.000+08:00

Had combine caregroup with Zhonghua girls at East Coast today! Was fun! We had a visitor- Ting Ying! (:

She's uber good soccer player and basketball player la!

We played soccer and monkey! LOL. And we flung Siew Luan into the sea! Ha! Had great fun!

But I hurt my toe la. -.- It turned blue. I don't know how I hurt it.

Anyway, today, after the Caregroup programmes were over, it was free time. So we went cycling. It was two-seaters bikes. I partner with Ellice from Zhonghua, Secondary 1 at the height of 149 cm. LOL. I feel so tall with her. We talked a lot during the ride, and I really enjoyed talking with her. (: She's very sweet. And I shared a lot to her too. I hope I inspired her but imparting the Spirit.

Actually, she reminded me of myself years back then. Not the looks and height, the character.

I know she's going to make it big in the Kingdom of God. (:

Nice day. (:

Distance.

2006-07-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

This afternoon on my way to East Coast for Caregroup, I suddenly thought of this sister, one whom I love dearly, one whom I spent a lot of time with.

I realised we'd distanced. I asked myself, "Who caused that distance?"

And I realised it was me.

I'm sorry. Can we be close again?

I think you'll say yes.

Naaman, Healed of Leprosy

2006-07-03T03:05:00.000+08:00

2 Kings 5:17-19a
" 'If you will not,' said Naaman, 'please let me, your servant, be given as much earth as a pair of mules can carry, for your servant will never again make burnt offerings and sacrifices to any other god but the LORD. But may the LORD forgive your servant for this one thing: When my master enters the temple of Rimmon to bow down and he is leaning on my arm and I bow there also—when I bow down in the temple of Rimmon, may the LORD forgive your servant for this.' 'Go in peace,' Elisha said. "

This passage, 2 Kings 5, basically talks about this soldier of Aram, Naaman, who kinda got leprosy. He goes to Israel and looks for a healer to heal him. Elisha sent his messenger to tell Naaman to wash himself in the Jordan 7 times. After being encouraged by his servant, Naaman went to wash himself 7 times, and he was healed from leprosy. From then on, he see that Israel has the one and truly God, and he was determined to follow Him.

Naaman offered gifts to Elisha as a significance that he believed in Elisha's God. Elisha rejected the gift, and Naaman promised God to only serve God.

All these are good. Amen. But one thing that caught me was verses 18-19a.

Naaman asked that God may forgive him if he had to bow in the temples of Rimmon. God spoke through Elisha and replied, "Go in peace".

God sees his heart, not his outward actions. God sees that Naaman had to bow down because he has to serve the King, but God knows that Naaman's heart is wholeheartedly given to God.

God sees your heart. Not your appearance or actions.

Your heart.

I feel so thankful that God sees my heart. So many people judge by our outlook and actions. But God sees the heart. That assures me that there's someone who understand me more than anyone else. God sees my heart.

(: